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cigarette_girl

When I was around six or seven, my godmother asked me to be a flower girl at her wedding.  So I got fitted and travelled all the way to Bicol to attend the wedding.  When we were in the church, they asked all the flower girls to line up.  I noticed I was the tallest one among the 4 or 5 girls there.  Most probably the oldest too.  That annoyed the hell out of me.  So much that I refused to walk down the aisle (thank goodness I wasn't the bride di ba?).  The fact that I stood out from among the flower girls embarassed me too much to walk.  I don't get it either, irrational starts out young, I guess.  Of course, that time no one really understood why I wouldn't walk.  They tried to force me, but i threw the basket and the headress on the floor when they did.  Hair officially ruined.  They let me have my way after that, and agreed to let me just seat with the other guests.  I was embarassed to be the tallest, but I had no problem throwing a tantrum.  Yes, I make sense that way.

I never really explained to them why I didn't want to walk.  And for years they had no clue why I did that.  I have it in my head that they should know it already, and if they don't, well I'm not telling.  I didn't want to tell them cos I think it was a stupid reason, but stupid reason or not, I didn't like the sitch so, no.

Guess what?  That little girl is still here.

Cheryl_Ann

Earlier around 11:00 PM, 5 of us left on a hunt for a table to add to our third floor "lounge." We drove around The District, visited an Albertson's, and went to a 24 hour CVS in Santa Ana but after all that searching, we only ended up with decorations and no table

When we got back, we converted the hallway into a lounge because we didn't think it was fair that the 1st floor has a kitchen, the 2nd floor has the common room, and we're stuck with an awkward hallway where people only sit to talk on the phone. Now, it's soo siick looking. Once we finish decorating and we add the table, I'll post picturesss.

I'm already excited for my next quarter here at UC Irvine! My third floor friends and I have planned out soo much stuff that we want to do! Since we all have a general idea of how to balance study time and hang-out time, we'll be able to hang out more often.

Once this weekend hits though, the hall will probably be deathly silent since everyone will be studying for finals. -__- I'm not looking forward to that.

I AM looking forward tomorrow though! I think I'll be baking desserts and going shopping for a table with my 3rd floor friends...and possibly hanging out with my 1st floor friends at night? ;] We'll have to see about that.

Alright, I have a headache. Must be the sleep deprivation. Time to go!

OH! I get to register for classes tomorrow! Eeep! So excitedd.

I didn't say so, Firefox did (do not click if using shite browser like IE, please).

Link to UMNO Official website

Cue: Jokes in office about visiting Umno being akin to opening a can of worms (and embedding it in your computer).

In other non-related news, me maikz Zaid Ibrahim looks teh prettyz.

[ I just got out of a discussion about practice / practise, British spelling versus American, and whether the word we were using counted as a noun or a verb -- the LOLspeak spillover effect has to happen somewhere else. *pats blog*. Yeshhh, my prettays... ]

Insecurity:

~Lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt

~The quality of state of being insecure; instability

It is eating me alive. I don't know why I let my insecurities take over me. For the past few days, I have done nothing, but stare at the mirror, and criticize myself. There are 4 top reasons why I feel insecure:

1. My hair never grew. Ever since I cut it, it remained the same. 

2. My pimples are still on my face, for God's sake haven't I finished puberty already?!

3. My very poor eyesight. I have to wear glasses, because my stupid optometrist won't give me a new contact lens presription due to the scratches in my eyes. So, I look like a geek. I hate wearing glasses, but if I won't wear them, I can't see anything.

4. My wide forehead. oh well, what can I do about it?

Boylet's ex saw us already. Sisa said, "Ang pangit naman ng gerpren mo." I didn't say anything, because technically, she wasn't talking to me. She was beside boylet, and I was at the other side. If she was talking to me, I would have said something, but as much as possible, I don't want to go down to her psychotic level. So anyways, ayun, narealize ko na pangit nga ako.. huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu

Alam ko nde ako dapat mainsecure, coz, cmon' I have my Bachelor's degree already. I am taking my Master's degree in Accounting. I have my own car, I have 3 jobs, and I live my own life,  (nde pa nga lng tlgang independent kasi nakatira pa sa parents), I can buy my own diamonds :D, so basically, I am independent. So anong pinagiinsecuran ko? Sisa didn't finish college, she is working, but got laid off, she has a daughter already back in pinas, she doesn't know her English, she speaks in vulgar language, she needs a man to finance her needs.

So basically, my insecurity level is extremely high right now. I hope it goes down soon, coz I'm having a headache.

plasticsatellite

My new year's one and only resolution would be cutting back my salt and sodium intake. That means I'll stop binging on Boy Bawang or any salty (and spicy) cheesy junk food. But in the meantime, I'm still going to enjoy my huge bag of chips...

What about cutting back on caffeine, you ask?  No, I'm afraid that won't happen.

cigarette_girl

So I looked back at previous entries (likes decemebers of previous years), and man, my emotional incompetence is an open-book.  This is going to sound strange, and maybe evil with a dash of blonde, but I seriously forgot who I was talking about here:

i'm getting suffocated.  i need space.  i know.  strange thing to be coming from me.  suffocated?  space? me?  i tend to cramp on other people's space most of the time, so maybe this is karma.  i don't mind seeing you more than once a week, every freakin week.  but i do get busy sometimes.... remember how many jobs i'm juggling right now?  and sometimes i do want to spend time with other people. and i can't deal with you sulking while pretending to be ok with it but making sure i know you're not ok everytime i can't see you.

The year before that, my december was full of bb.  Gad!  Whatever happened to that?!  Honestly, I thought he'd be the one I would still be friends with, not ex.  I would like to believe things were left pretty much okay between us.  Oh well. 

Let's not look back decembers past that cos obviously it will be mostly some dramaramas involving ex.

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I

There is this plan.  to write about the books I started reading last summer.  Unfortunately, I'm still not done reading them.

Ok, that wasn't enirely true.  I did manage to finish Chuck Palahnuik's Fight Club and Choke, Margaret Atwood's The Handmaid's Tale, Vallgren's The Horrific Sufferings of Hercules Barefoot, Ami Sukarai's Innocent World, Jasper Fforde's The Eyre Affair, James Cain's The Postman Always Rings Twice, Neil Gaiman's Smoke and Mirrors, and Max Brooks' World War Z.  I can include all four of the Twilight series, but I didn't really read them, they were audiotapes, except for the fourth which was pdf, so fine Stephenie Meyer's Breaking Dawn.

Except for the last one, I loved all those books.  And I will talk about them in my next entries I guess.

Right now I have four episodes of Chuck to watch.  My laziness includes not keeping uptodate with my series.

ays

The entry below was first written in 1 December 2008 on my Multiply blog.

***

I have just finished my contract last week. Yes, I am, for the nth time, jobless again. Okay, it depends on how you look at it. So, I used the above title instead of "Bumming Holidays". Anyways, I won't be really bumming.

***

The last few weeks of my contract was sooo hectic. I go to work at least at 9.00, sometimes at 8.30. (I can't be there earlier! I'm not amorning person.) And I stay at until around 8.30 to 9.00. Whew! Ganun kadaming trabaho. And I know it would be busy at the conference center in Poznan, Poland. How I'd wish I was there. I know it would be so interesting. On the other hand, I guess it's okay kasi sobrang lamig na dun. Dito pa nga lang nilalamig na ako, dun pa kaya.

***

I'm currently listening to JumpStart at RX 93.1 via internet. I haven't tuned in them in awhile since two new colleagues joined me in the room. I have a big room, probably the biggest in the floor, because our team needs around three people to register delegates. I missed RX Monsters' Riot and Chico and Del's Top Ten tuloy. I can listen to it now at home though, now that I have moble internet for my laptop. Weeee!!!

***

About my colleagues, one girl is from Russia and the other guy is Norwegian-German. Okay naman kaya lang hindi satisfying ang trabaho nila.

Yung babae, panay yosi tapos sho-shonga-shonga pa. Babagal-bagal kumilos at ang mga tanong, puro "duh!!!". Tapos kapag nagtatanong ang 'yung isang kasama namin, sasagot siya bago ko pa man masagot ang tanong na para bang alam niyang lahat tapos hindi naman.

'Yung lalaki naman, okay ang trabaho, mabilis at sigurado sa ginagawa. Kaya lang bugnutin dahil minsan nakakainis ang communications na ibinibigay sa amin ng mga participants. Kaya lang masyado niyang pinupulahan ang mga nag-re-register at tinatanong kung ano gagawin nila sa conference. Okay, may mga taong hindi mo nga alam kung ano ang gagawin dun. Pero don't be harsh with the students and the young activist dahil maganda nga na aktibo sila sa usapin laban sa climate change. Natutuwa ako na gumagawa sila ng paraan para matuto at malaman ang mga bagay-bagay ukol dito. Besides, hindi namin trabaho 'yun. Ang dapat naming gawin ay mag-register.

Sana next time, huwag na silang kunin. ;-)

***

Speaking of work, I still got some part time kaya may income pa naman ako. Saka someone offered me a new part-time job kaya may extra income ako at may pagkaka-abalahan na. It was offered to me on my last day. Freelance din kaya okay lang at maluwag sa schedule. It's indeed a blessing.

***

In the last two weeks of my cotract, nagkaroon ng weather disturbance dito. Sobrang lamig niya, as in nag-snow na. I must admit, I liked seeing the snow at sobrang nakakatuwang maglakad habang bumabagsak ito. Ayaw ko lang ng lamig.

***

Nagbukas na ang Weihnachtsmarkt o Christmas Market. Malapit na nga ang Pasko. Pero to be honest, hindi ako excited compared last year. Sabagay, umuwi ako last year kaya mas masaya ako. Mas emo siguro ang Pasko ko ngayon. hehehe.

***

Speaking of Christmas, I have bought Christmas balls and Christmas light to decorate my little Christmas tree. Wala lang, I just want my pad to have some holiday look. I think I still have to add some more decos. Hindi pa feel ang Christmas eh. hehehe

***

I read The Christmas Candle by Max Lucado. It is a nice book, a book that makes you feel better and light-hearted after reading. I made it as the "Feature of the Month" in the Community Library. Tapos kelangan nilang mag-deposit ng €3 para siguradong isasauli nila on time. Tapos, kung sakto nilang isasauli, may gift sila from the library.

***

Inspired by "The Chrstmas Candle", I thought of buying candles as gifts this Christmas. I'll be going around the city to buy some and look for some small stuff to decorate it. Now, I'm excited about Christmas.

***

Tapos, dahil may project ako to buy SuperBook and The Flying House DVDs for the kids to borrow in the library. I have told them that I will donate three book from my collection of Paulo Coelho in the library for every €10 that they will donate. Yesterday, They have donated €38.50. So, goodbye Paulo Coelho. Kaunti na lang, wala na akong libro ni Coelho.

***

I'm thinking of buying a new phone as a Christmas gift for myself. I'm not really buying soemthing fancy. I just want a new one to replace my old phone. I just need a phone with a good memory and camera. I'm not a tech geek anyways. I also want to buy a new webcam, malabo kasi ang webcam ko, parang ako minsan. ;-)

***

Kung si Santa Claus ang magbibigay ng wish ko, siguro ibibigay niya 'yun sa akin kasi naging mabait naman ako. Pero since, permanent job ang hanap ko, malamang na ang ibigay niyang trabaho at taga-gawa ng laruan kasama ng mga Christmas elves niya. huhuhu

***

I'm praying... and believing it will come true, to have a permanent job the soonest. I want to have one but most of all I need it, not just for myself but for my family as well. Dear God, help me. You know my intentions. Please hear me. This is my Christmas wish...

***

Call this coinsidence! After I click the "Save & Publish" button on the Compose Blog Entry page, I was disconnected from the internet. While restarting connection, I went to the toilette and found a missed call from my supervisor as I sat in front of my laptop. I called her and and received a text message from her asking for my P11 form (CV from in the organization). When she answered the phone, she told me that, in her own words, "Ibebenta kita!". Apparently, a colleague has told her of a vacancy, I supposed or there would be one.

I shed some tears. I know there are no guarantees and this doesn't speak of a job. Just a chance. I'm also not expecting anything.

I cried because, I know and I believe, that even if God is not giving me the job I've been wishing for, He has given me hoped by receiving this information. This is, as in The Alchemist said, an omen.

***

Thank you, God, for always being there. And most especially for giving me hope at the time I'm losing it. I know you have palnned something for me. Please give me the patience, for I know it won't come on my time but in Yours.

***

Indeed, I was correct for replacing the title from "Bumming Holidays" to "Jo/blessed Holidays!"

 
Heart Evangelista on the cover of Preview Magazine's November 2008 issue

Audrey Hepburn as Nicole in How to Steal a Million

*Audrey Hepburn's photo courtesy of Relicário de Elis Marchioni.